Primordial Sludge and Guns from God

- man is a part of nature

- the tools man employs are also a part of nature

Evolution has been an awesome and powerful force that has moved the history of this planet Earth. The power of evolution (whether or not you want to believe it’s a thing that happens or a guiding hand) has taken some electrified sludge (I love this theory) all the way to the glory that is Jeff, pinnacle of all men. I suppose I should have said sludge to human awareness or something, but I like to perpetuate my stereotype. Evidently I also like tangents. It’s true, I do. Narrative flow is bullshit.

We can all agree that man is a part of nature. He (eat it feminists, I’m going to use a sexualized pronoun) has, some eyes, risen above nature. Shock, I would contest that. I think man has taken nature, his knowledge of it, and used that knowledge to best suit his needs. That’s fantastic. It really is. It ensures that he becomes the top of THE food chain; every food chain. Man can kill anything, domesticate anything, and grow anything. When killing, domesticating, and growing isn’t enough, Man can use his brain and splice and dice nature to give him polyester. He can make other things than polyester, probably more useful things, but polyester is awesome, so we’ll go with that. Man can do these wonderful things because of highly advanced sticks. Wait, back up a second, I didn’t explain that. Man can do these wonderful things because of the tools he has developed. He started (yea, I totally looked this up, it’s factual history) with a stick, and processed the hell out of that stick until he came up with computers and nuclear bombs.

Now some people are trying to say that man has started polluting the environment, causing all kinds of wacky weather (w)mishaps. This is true, I think, though some people say it’s not so much. The Japanese have sided with me; funny looking people from Texas are the opposition. I feel like I’m in good hands, hands that understand the subtle nuances of a wiimote. These awesome people who are being represented by the fine folks at Nintendo Japan believe that this pollution is wrong, harmful, and against nature.

I disagree with that notion. Man is a part of nature, of this I’m sure, remember the electrified sludge. Man’s tools are also a part of nature. The term manmade is a bit silly I think. Sure, man (or men) had to physically put the tools together (or build robots to do that), but it still comes from the home planet. What man does is convert things that are naturally beneficial to him, into products that end up hurting his odds at surviving in the long run. Which is what environmentalists really object to; they don’t want the end of the species.

That’s understandable. Preservation tends to be a strong instinct throughout the animal kingdom. However, to say that pollution is unnatural is wrong. It’s perfectly natural. Everything manmade is natural. Let’s not politicize this stuff here. Ya’ll don’t want to make the world better; you want to make the world better for YOU. That was an attack statement. See, I changed tense for a second, and am continuing to do so, and you felt savaged! Didn’t you? Yea you did! What are you going to do about? Nothing? Coward.

Pollution and Global Warming are a lot like Ice Ages and giant meteorites flying out of the sky and killing all of the velociraptors. It’s all natural, and it’s all a matter of perspective.