Sunburnt

Clearly I was half delirious with pain when I wrote that last bit. Still am as a matter of fact. Being sunburnt is awful, especially when I have the manly tolerance of pouting child.

I already have what I believe to be the best system for gaming: the Nintendo Wii. There's just something lovingly old school about it and it's games. Platformers will never go out of style as far as I'm concerned and are the absolute pinnacle of game-play.

However, after playing Dead Space on my PC, I've seen that video games are undergoing a creative renaissance as far as being a storytelling medium. This fascinates me, as I don't believe that there is anything quite as immersive as a good video game. A good video game with a stellar, interactive story? I'm there. From what I can tell, the Wii isn't going to be involved in this joyous bit of creativity.

(Maybe I'm wrong on that, the makers did release Dead Space: Extraction for the Wii, and while it wasn't the same storytelling power that Dead Space was, it came close, especially considering that it was limited in design [rail shooter v. 3rd person action adventure])

It sounds like the big games to experience are Dead Space (which I have, which I love), Mass Effect, and Half Life 2. I'm not talking about simple use of cut scenes to tell a story, that's been done. I wouldn't say it's been done to great effect, since I find cutscenes to be a bit... lacking, when it comes to game-play. It's not that I don't enjoy the effort put into a cut scene, and what it does to help improve the atmosphere of a game, it's that those cut scenes take the player out of the game, they offer a break, a rest from the action, and I feel like that should never happen, unless it serves some greater purpose. What these games offer are in game story elements triggered by players entering certain areas. Think of it as an interactive cut scene. Yes, it's triggered by something in game, and yes, you can't really interfere with what's going on, but it doesn't take you out of the game.

That is the experience I'm after.

Importance

I am not doing anything important right now.

No, really, I am not adding any value to anything. Or at least I wasn't a minute ago, maybe I am now. There's really no way to tell whether or not this rambling jumble of words is going to help anyone with anything. I'm all right with that, of course. I do this for me. I do this so I feel like I'm not wasting time. It's not like this is hard, not at all, and it makes me feel like I'm contributing something to the world. Even if all I'm doing is storing data on a server somewhere. A server that will, at some point, be wiped of all of it's data.

Or will it?

I wonder how old parts of the internet are. Does Google (I believe Google owns blogger) really care about how much space is being used in the real world for it's virtual works? I imagine no, no it doesn't. Google is huge. Google doesn't care about such small things.

Or maybe it does?

Maybe Google is running lite on space. Maybe Google is cringing at the thought of one blogger using up one more kilobyte of space. That would be a shame. This would never be published. Nobody would ever run into this piece and think... I don't know what they would think. Maybe they wouldn't (certainly they should at this point, but that's the problem with the writing I do sometimes) and maybe they would just see the words and move on, content with having consumed something but unable to digest it. Food metaphor is awesome. I was about to move on and say some crap about nutrients and such. Maybe I should point out that it's probably the job of the author to act as a filter, the kidney maybe? Whatever organ it is that processes shit? I forget, it's been so long since Freshman year of High School when I learned of such things.

So what's the point?

Maybe I conjured up something. That would make it worth it.

I beleive in nothink

I do not believe that I was put on the Earth for any great purpose.

I don't see how I could. Even in my conceit, which is great, I do not believe that I was placed here by a caring hand that felt I had the capacity for greatness.

I do believe that I can achieve greatness. I do believe in great purposes.

I'm not sure that I have found mine. Yet. I'm not sure what it is in this life that will bring me unparalleled joy. In my head I think it may have something to do with addiction. I'm willing to believe I've made this connection because I blame addiction on so many things. Maybe blame isn't the correct word, switch it up to a phrase, I use addiction to explain so many things. And it's true. I do. That is what I would like to feel like when I do something. I want to feel like I can't pull away from a thing, like I need it, hunger for it. I want to be kept awake at night with the next day's work gnawing on my heart and soul.

I have to wonder if that's what true motivation feels like. I can't say that I'm sure. If it is, I believe that I have yet to experience it. Perhaps I'm just describing a feeling that doesn't exist for me, an ideal state that I may never achieve. I'm comfortable with that.

Perhaps I will give your little documentary a shot Paul.